Category: First aid

Paul the anxious apostle

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In his letter to the church in Philippi Paul says, “Don’t be anxious about anything…” (Philippians 4:6-7). But in my experience, Christians are just as anxious as anyone else. And we make things worse by piling on the phony guilt, “If I were a better Christian I wouldn’t worry so much”.

But why would God allow a child of God be prone to anxiety and what do we say to those who are? Let’s start by taking a closer look at the man who wrote Philippians.

Paul speaks openly about his own anxieties in his second letter to the Corinthians. He had written a very critical letter to that church and couldn’t stop worrying if he had gone too far. He was too anxious to settle, despite finding Troas wide open to the gospel, he left to look for news of the church’s response. Have you ever lost sleep over an email you wished you hadn’t sent? That is how Paul felt. (see 2 Corinthians 2:12-13)

Paul is equally honest about an incident elsewhere in the Roman province of Asia (modern Turkey). He doesn’t say exactly what happened, except that it was terrifying (2 Corinthians 1:8-9). He tells us that he and his team were in fear of losing their lives, “We despaired of life”, he writes.

By contrast, when Paul wrote Philippians, he felt super confident, even though he knew he might be facing death. So here’s the truth about the Christian and anxiety: even ‘super Christians’ like Paul go through times when they are very vulnerable, this is not unspiritual, it is part of the normal Christian life.

In 2 Corinthians Paul reflects on why God lets this happen and he gives us three reasons.

First, experiences like his in Asia sensitise us to the struggle others have. Experience of anxiety gives you a superpower – empathy for others (2 Corinthians 1:4).

Second, anxious times can deepen our trust in God. Anxiety is not just switched off by prayer, it is a process. As we pray and trust God, we learn to deal with it and grow through it (2 Corinthians 1:9-10). We learn resilience through adversity.

Here’s the third thing, read 2 Corinthians right through and you see Paul working through the fact that he is not a ‘super Christian’ (unlike some in Corinth who were pretending to be!). “God’s strength”, he says, “Is made perfect in our weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:10).

It is worth saying at this point that there are two kinds of anxiety. The first is a natural response to scary circumstances. The anxious feelings are part of our biology – they help us run away, fight, or perform to the best of our ability. This is normal anxiety, and it is very useful.

The second kind is not useful, an out-of-all-proportion response to not-very-threatening things. It lasts for ages and has a negative impact on our lives, we avoid the things that make us anxious, and our lives shrink around our anxiety. This is an anxiety disorder, and we need professional help to get through it. Seriously, we need to go and talk to our GP.

It was too long ago and too far away to tell which of these kinds of anxiety we see in Paul. Though you do occasionally see the second kind in the Psalms. But whatever kind of anxiety we face, the way to manage it is through connection. Four connections are essential.

First, connect with God – worship, meditation and prayer are all deeply therapeutic. Tell God exactly how you feel, tell him what you are afraid of. Above all, trust him, he won’t let you down. Holding on to the Lord in the dark times gets us through.

Second, connect with others – invest time in your friendships, and especially in one or two people you can be honest with. You need both superficial friendships (mates) and deep ones (real friends). Spend time with the people you love and trust.

Third, connect with the natural world – get out and enjoy the open spaces near you, get a couple of house plants and keep them on your desk, stop and enjoy the scenery. You are built to be a part of nature. Remember too that every living thing on the earth is built for a 24-hour rhythm – you are no exception, get some sleep!

Finally, connect with yourself – remember what you are, the dust of the earth animated by the breath of God (Genesis 2:7). Look after your body and your mind. Get some exercise and push some boundaries to flex your brain. Learn to be still. Oh, and give yourself something to look forward to at the end of each day!

 

 

 

The politics of pastoral care

Every morning I scan the news online and spend half an hour reading the articles that fit my interests. In the last couple of weeks two have stood out as relevant to pastoral care. Let me describe them for you.

The first is a puff for a book by psychologist, Gillian Bridge. The headline is “Our fixation with feelings has created a damaged generation”. Bridge discusses the mental health of young people; a million prescriptions for antidepressants are being written for teenagers each year. She provides an explanation, “This focus on me, myself and I is the problem… it’s taking people who are vulnerable to begin with and asking them to focus inwards”.

The second is a report on research from University College London and the headline expresses outrage, “Obese patients are ‘being weight-shamed by doctors and nurses“. Here’s a taste, “The problem is so widespread that health professionals need to be taught as students that excess weight is almost guaranteed in modern society and is not the fault of individuals”.

One of those articles is from the left-leaning Guardian, the other from the right-leaning Daily Telegraph. Now, without following those links, can you tell which is which?

Those on the left assume the innocence of the individual and the guilt of society. It is wrong to offend, or to challenge, just be kind. People on the right stress individual responsibility, we shouldn’t pander to people’s feelings, people need to better themselves, you may have to be cruel to be kind. I’m discovering that choosing an approach to pastoral care can be surprisingly political!

Each writer advocates a different kind of pastoral care; the first says, “challenge the me-centredness of our culture and don’t let people binge on the sugar-rush of their feelings”, the second says, “Listen without judging, do not condemn, don’t humiliate people”. Reading these two articles it struck me that, like the red marbling in raspberry ripple ice cream, Christian ideas run through both.

The gospel says that we are saved when we look away from ourselves to the cross and that we stay spiritually healthy by caring for others. It tells us that our feelings are not our identity but fleeting responses to our environment, my identity is not my gender or sexuality but who I am in Christ. And yet the bible also tells us to listen carefully, not to judge or condemn, to be gentle and patient, not to crush the bruised reed (Proverbs 18:13, Matthew 7:1-2, Galatians 5:22-23a, Isaiah 42:3).

Hold these two in tension and you have the way to go. Paul calls it ‘… speaking the truth in love’ ( Ephesians 4:14-15). Love is a verb, a doing word, so we walk with someone faithfully and listen empathetically. We resist a quick fix, the relief of getting a difficult conversation out of the way, we wait instead for the right time. Then we can speak with frankness, and with compassion, because there can be no doubt that we love that person.

Those two articles, from the left and the right of our political spectrum, challenged me. The first strengthened my feeling that we need to help people out of themselves and talk more than we do about gospel virtues like endurance, perseverance, and courage. The second underlined the importance of tender-heartedness, always looking for good ways to say hard things to fragile people. A bit like Jesus, really.

John Bunyan and suicidal crisis

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Suicide is a serious problem. According to recently released figures 6,069 people ended their life in 2023. About 20% of the population have entertained thoughts of suicide at some time in their life, so how can we be prepared to help?

John Bunyan explores this in his spiritual classic, Pilgrim’s Progress. Christian is imprisoned with his friend Hopeful in the castle of Giant Despair. The giant beats them senseless and throws them into a dark, stinking cell.

Bunyan spent twelve years in Bedford gaol for his refusal to conform to ‘official’ Christian forms of worship. He lived on the edge of poverty much of his life and his daughter was completely blind. This is writing from experience:

When morning was come, Giant Despair goes to them… he told them, that since they were never like to come out of that place, their only way would be forthwith to make an end of themselves, either with knife, noose or poison, for why should you choose life, seeing it is attended with such bitterness?

This takes Christian to the edge:

Brother, said Christian, what shall we do? For my part I know not whether is best, to live thus, or to die out of hand. My soul chooseth strangling rather than life, the grave is more easy for me than this dungeon.

At first, Hopeful tells that suicide is self-murder and that God won’t like it. This was typical thinking for Bunyan’s time – until 1961 suicide was a criminal offense in England. Those who took their own lives were not buried on consecrated ground – occasionally, they were left to rot on the town dump. Times have changed, but the guilt card is still tempting; Don’t do guilt, it doesn’t work.

But Hopeful learns quickly, listening carefully to Christian’s woes, and gently challenging his pessimism:

My brother, rememberest thou not how valiant thou hast been heretofore? Apollyon could not crush thee, nor could all that thou didst hear, see or feel in the Valley of the Shadow of Death. What hardship, terror and amazement thou hast already gone through!

Then he assures Christian that he is not alone, encouraging him to be patient, reassuring him that his mood will lift.

Thou seest that I am in the dungeon with thee, a far weaker man by nature than thou art; also, this Giant has wounded me as well as thee, and hath also cut off the bread and water from my mouth; and with thee I mourn without the light. But let us exercise a little more patience.

Hopeful stays with Christian, gently encouraging him away from despair, towards hope. Here is the breakthrough:

A little before it was day, good Christian, as one half amazed, brake out in this passionate speech; What a fool am I, thus to lie in a stinking dungeon when I may walk at liberty! I have a key in my bosom called Promise, that will, I am persuaded, open any lock in Doubting Castle.

Bunyan knew from experience that that the promises of God can pull you out of the darkness. Yet even those who don’t believe can find reasons for living if, like Hopeful, we can keep our friend alive until they find their keys and use them.

Hopeful was a good listener who didn’t give up on his friend. He could gently challenge Christian’s pessimism and help him see reasons to stay alive. And he was prayerful.

We can all do this, and it would help if we did some suicide prevention training in our church. Be prepared, you never know when the crisis will happen.