A place of rest

Someone once said that the purpose of the news media is the manufacture and maintenance of anxiety.  I Think he was right, but I also think that some churches do something similar.

That famous quotation, “If Christ be God and died for me, then no sacrifice can be too great for me to make for him” (C.T. Studd), is true. But sensitive souls are vulnerable to a dangerous distortion, “If Christ be God and died for me, then no sacrifice I make can ever be enough for him”. I wonder if this explains an unhealthy drivenness in the churches?

Activity is good, the lord himself was noted for it, he ‘Went about doing good’ (Acts 10:38) and so should we. But why do I meet a lot of neurotic Christians living with a constant sense of failure, “I’m not doing enough, I’m not keen enough, I don’t have enough faith”.

Preachers and youth leaders can make this worse. Most sermons conclude with an appeal for more activity or more intensity. More activity means that we must ‘do more’, ‘witness more’, ‘pray more’, ‘worship more’. More intensity means ‘pray harder’, ‘worship harder’, ‘have more faith!’

The Bible rejects this driven culture. All but one of Paul’s epistles begin with a simple greeting, “Grace and peace to you…”. We start with God’s grace. Grace means that you are good enough for him already – you cannot work yourself up to a new ‘level’ to enjoy this, you can only receive is as you would a generous gift.

Then there is peace. A little English word that sits on the shoulders of a giant Hebrew one, ‘shalom,’ which means ‘wellbeing’ or ‘wholeness’. Gospel peace is the eventual restoration of my broken humanity – body, mind and spirit. It also means that we can know inner calm in dire circumstances right now.

That is why the most resilient Christians are those with a very high view of the sovereignty of God – they trust him. Our drivenness derives from a poor understanding of God’s nature. ‘Grace? Surely, he couldn’t be that generous?’ ‘Peace? Surely, we need a bit of a kicking to get us going?’

Yes, he is that generous and, no, we don’t need a good kicking. Know this, if you stopped praying today, never go to church again, never share your faith or read your Bible again, God will still love you as much as he would if you fill your life with those things.

So many Christians, in their life and witness, convey a simple message, “Follow Jesus and you could be as frazzled as me”. They are working out of drivenness. My friend Chris once said to me, “If I wanted more peace in my life, I wouldn’t do church, I’d check out Buddhism!”

In his lovely book, ‘Working from a place of rest’ Tony Horsefall advocates the opposite. On old hymn captures Tony’s message like this:

Drop thy still dews of quietness,
till all our strivings cease;
take from our souls the strain and stress,
and let our ordered lives confess
the beauty of thy peace.

An ’ordered life’, one that expresses God’s grace and peace, is an incredible advert for the gospel. If Chris could see it lived, he wouldn’t bother with Buddhism.

I have not stopped challenging people to ‘go about doing good’. But I find myself more often encouraging people to learn to say ‘no’ and take time to appreciate grace, peace, love, hope, and joy. I believe it would transform our church life for the better if our pastors and youth leaders did the same.

Paul the anxious apostle

You can read this or listen to the audio here

In his letter to the church in Philippi Paul says, “Don’t be anxious about anything…” (Philippians 4:6-7). But in my experience, Christians are just as anxious as anyone else. And we make things worse by piling on the phony guilt, “If I were a better Christian I wouldn’t worry so much”.

But why would God allow a child of God be prone to anxiety and what do we say to those who are? Let’s start by taking a closer look at the man who wrote Philippians.

Paul speaks openly about his own anxieties in his second letter to the Corinthians. He had written a very critical letter to that church and couldn’t stop worrying if he had gone too far. He was too anxious to settle, despite finding Troas wide open to the gospel, he left to look for news of the church’s response. Have you ever lost sleep over an email you wished you hadn’t sent? That is how Paul felt. (see 2 Corinthians 2:12-13)

Paul is equally honest about an incident elsewhere in the Roman province of Asia (modern Turkey). He doesn’t say exactly what happened, except that it was terrifying (2 Corinthians 1:8-9). He tells us that he and his team were in fear of losing their lives, “We despaired of life”, he writes.

By contrast, when Paul wrote Philippians, he felt super confident, even though he knew he might be facing death. So here’s the truth about the Christian and anxiety: even ‘super Christians’ like Paul go through times when they are very vulnerable, this is not unspiritual, it is part of the normal Christian life.

In 2 Corinthians Paul reflects on why God lets this happen and he gives us three reasons.

First, experiences like his in Asia sensitise us to the struggle others have. Experience of anxiety gives you a superpower – empathy for others (2 Corinthians 1:4).

Second, anxious times can deepen our trust in God. Anxiety is not just switched off by prayer, it is a process. As we pray and trust God, we learn to deal with it and grow through it (2 Corinthians 1:9-10). We learn resilience through adversity.

Here’s the third thing, read 2 Corinthians right through and you see Paul working through the fact that he is not a ‘super Christian’ (unlike some in Corinth who were pretending to be!). “God’s strength”, he says, “Is made perfect in our weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:10).

It is worth saying at this point that there are two kinds of anxiety. The first is a natural response to scary circumstances. The anxious feelings are part of our biology – they help us run away, fight, or perform to the best of our ability. This is normal anxiety, and it is very useful.

The second kind is not useful, an out-of-all-proportion response to not-very-threatening things. It lasts for ages and has a negative impact on our lives, we avoid the things that make us anxious, and our lives shrink around our anxiety. This is an anxiety disorder, and we need professional help to get through it. Seriously, we need to go and talk to our GP.

It was too long ago and too far away to tell which of these kinds of anxiety we see in Paul. Though you do occasionally see the second kind in the Psalms. But whatever kind of anxiety we face, the way to manage it is through connection. Four connections are essential.

First, connect with God – worship, meditation and prayer are all deeply therapeutic. Tell God exactly how you feel, tell him what you are afraid of. Above all, trust him, he won’t let you down. Holding on to the Lord in the dark times gets us through.

Second, connect with others – invest time in your friendships, and especially in one or two people you can be honest with. You need both superficial friendships (mates) and deep ones (real friends). Spend time with the people you love and trust.

Third, connect with the natural world – get out and enjoy the open spaces near you, get a couple of house plants and keep them on your desk, stop and enjoy the scenery. You are built to be a part of nature. Remember too that every living thing on the earth is built for a 24-hour rhythm – you are no exception, get some sleep!

Finally, connect with yourself – remember what you are, the dust of the earth animated by the breath of God (Genesis 2:7). Look after your body and your mind. Get some exercise and push some boundaries to flex your brain. Learn to be still. Oh, and give yourself something to look forward to at the end of each day!

 

 

 

The serenity prayer – Christian faith and stoicism

It is surprising how many people with no church background can quote the ‘Serenity Prayer” attributed to the German theologian, Reinhold Niebuhr; “God, give me grace to accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed, courage to change the things
which should be changed, and the wisdom to distinguish the one from the other”

I can’t think of a wiser prayer in a world like ours where so much is beyond our control. It helps us to concentrate on what really matters; how we handle a crisis and how we can find peace. Yet the heart of that prayer can also work for anyone, even an atheist, in fact it is the first principle of a system of thought called Stoicism.

“The single most important practice in Stoic philosophy”, say Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman in The Daily Stoic, “Is differentiating between what we can change and what we can’t. What we have influence over and what we don’t”. It’s the same core idea as in Niebuhr’s prayer.

You may remember that the apostle Paul met and debated with Stoic philosophers in Athens (Acts 17:16-21). After this encounter, Christians would compete with Stoics for the affections of the Roman people for the next three centuries. The Christians won that contest, but Stoicism never really went away.

Today we are witnessing the return of popular Stoicism. Books applying Stoic thinking to modern life are popular, like Brigid Delaney’s Reasons not to Worry. “When life started changing rapidly – and fear was in the air – the ancient Greco-Roman philosophy proved to be a remarkably useful tool”, she writes, “ And much of their advice is as fresh today as it was in ancient times”.

Sales of the original stoic writers grew steadily during the pandemic. The writings of Seneca (a teacher), Epictetus (a slave) and Marcus Aurelius (an emperor) are now selling in the hundreds of thousands and their appeal is a wide as was their varied social backgrounds. It is such a pity they are not around to enjoy the royalties!

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), widely available on the NHS, is essentially the practical application of Stoic philosophy to the distorted thinking that makes people miserable. CBT helps silence some of the rubbish that goes ‘round and ‘round in our heads, the evidence says it can do people a lot of good.

On a quick comparison, Christian faith and Stoicism look very similar, both are concerned with virtuous living, both look for peace in turbulent times. But go a little deeper and they tell two very different stories. Stoics say, “You are on your own, but through a lifetime of struggle you may nurture the virtues that lead to peace”. The gospel says, “You are not alone, you have a brother, a saviour, the Lord of life and love – trust him, he will help you, he is our peace!”

I’m pretty sure that Christian faith triumphed in the ancient world because the friendship of a gracious God appealed more than the austere solitude of the Stoics. Modern Stoics are offering the ancient package, so are we, and it still compares badly with the grace of God in the gospel. We have a better story to tell, beautifully expressed in the whole of Reinhold Niebuhr’s prayer – not Stoic but Christian:

“God, give me grace to accept with serenity

the things that cannot be changed,

Courage to change the things
which should be changed,

and the wisdom to distinguish

the one from the other.

Living one day at a time,

Enjoying one moment at a time,

Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace.

Taking, as Jesus did,

this sinful world as it is,

Not as I would have it,

Trusting that You will make all things right,

If I surrender to Your will,

So that I may be reasonably happy in this life,

And supremely happy with You forever in the next.
Amen.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The perils of perfectionism

Are you, by any chance, a bit of a perfectionist? You have high standards for yourself, yet struggle to acknowledge your achievements? If your answer is “Yes!”, or you know someone like that, then this is for you.

Perfectionism lies at the root of much unhappiness. Indeed, perfectionist attitudes often correlate with poor mental health such as anxiety, depression, eating disorders and even suicidal thoughts. Pablo Martinez, a Christian psychiatrist, writes about the ‘inner policeman’, a nagging voice telling us we’ve not done enough, or we’ve not done it right. When he gets the upper hand, we are in spiritual and psychological trouble.

Psychologists have identified three kinds of perfectionism (see The Perfection Trap, by Thomas Curran): First, outside pressure, like the Christian leader who feels that his congregation expect him to be a perfect example. The second is the pressure I create for myself, like the young man sobbing his heart out because he came second in a test at school. A toxic combination of these two are loose on social media, fuelling the doomed quest to look fabulous . Finally, there are those who pressurise others to be perfect, as one man said to me, “My genes loaded the gun, but my boss pulled the trigger”.

Some of the things that drive us are good, others are not. “There is a difference between neurotic (compulsive) perfectionism and the search for excellence”, writes Pablo Martinez, “The latter is related to spiritual maturity and seeks to please God, the former arises from insecurity and very much needs the approval of others”.

We should seek excellence. When Jesus said, “Be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect” (Matthew 5:28), that is what he meant. Think of a screwdriver. A perfect screwdriver is one that is right for the job. It feels nice in the hand and the blade fits the screw slots exactly. So, for the English word ‘perfect’, substitute the phrase ‘right for the job’.

We should avoid neurotic perfectionism. Paul writes of two kinds of sorrow in his second letter to the Corinthians (2 Corinthians 7:10). Let me paraphrase his teaching: “Godly sorrow: we perform badly, we learn some lessons, we bash on. That enhances life! Worldly sorrow: we perform badly, we enter a downward spiral of self-recrimination and guilt, we make ourselves ill. That’s death!”

We should tell ourselves every day that it’s OK to fail because we know the God who will always be delighted with his children, so you can repent and move on, here’s why:

Nothing you can do,
Could make him love you more.
And nothing that you’ve done,
Could make him close the door.
Because of his great love,
He gave his only son.
Everything was done so you would come.

Shortly after our second child was born, I went shopping. I was in a hurry, as usual, and my guts were in a knot, as usual. I had felt anxious since our first child and the feelings had tightened with the second. Rushing through W.H. Smiths a book caught my eye, it was called “The good enough parent”. One look at the title and the anxiety disappeared never to return. The penny had dropped; I was trying to be a perfect dad, and it was making me ill.

Cathie, my wife, put it in a nutshell, “You cannot be Christ, but you can be Christ-like”. Not perfect, but fit for purpose, that is my calling. I am free!

Gospel-centred resilience

Listen to this on audio here

How can we help young people become more resilient? We have all heard some the statistics but you only have to think of a person whose child is in their teens or twenties and is ill with anxiety, 100% of their heart is broken and that is the only statistic that really matters. The world has changed and poor mental health is on the rise, why?

Here’s a big factor, our culture tells young people that God is not real, his will does not matter, and that they must construct their own identity and set of values. The spiritual scaffolding that has sustained people over centuries has been removed. Sure, other factors are important, but we can’t overlook this one.

What we have instead are techniques like mindfulness and stress management. These are helpful, but Jesus said that a unique peace is available to those who trust him (John 14:27). The gospel offers psychological wellbeing that anyone can access first by trusting it and then by living it out.

The apostle Paul writes about this clearly in Romans 5:1-5. Access into God’s grace, he says, is the fruit of trusting Christ (v.1-2). The gospel re-connects us to the God who is there. We really do have an almighty Father we can lean on. We can put the weight of our life and our worries on him. The gospel puts the scaffolding back in place.

In the public mind, and in that of many young people, faith in God nurtures guilt because God will always demand more than we can give. The gospel says the opposite, faith brings freedom from guilt. The moment we trust Jesus we are ‘justified’; that means righteous, clean as a whistle, accepted without reservation, loved despite all our faults!

That is the first big thing about the gospel, here is the second. Trusting Christ is not a once-for-all event in our lives, it is the means by which we navigate all our troubles (3-4). Paul is telling us that suffering is one of the tools God uses to reshape my character and make it more like Christ’s. God has a purpose, and nothing – however horrible – is random. Adversity is the way to resilience.

You see this when Paul told the Corinthian church about his own psychological challenges, ‘…this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead’ (2 Corinthians 1:8-9). In other words, whatever caused Paul’s mood to plummet into despair the answer was to shift his trust from himself and onto God. That is how we can get through anything.

Some practical points might help focus our pastoral care.

First, nagging people to ‘have more faith’ won’t work. Faith comes by hearing God’s word, and it is therapeutic to dwell in it listening to his voice. Take a month or two to soak up Psalm 103 for example, learning to meditate on it as you go.

Second, listen without interrupting. Encourage, and support, reassuring people that whatever happens their life is in God’s hands. We can even help people to see that their anxiety or low mood is part of a plan, they will be stronger and happier when they learn to live with it, manage it, and eventually overcome it.

Finally, we shouldn’t dismiss the techniques they will probably learn at school, or therapy advised by a doctor. Just as an aspirin can help with a headache, knowing how to breathe when you are anxious can help a young person face an exam. We are spiritual beings, but we are also biological systems and every little helps.

I have a Christian friend who teaches dance to young people. As exams and assessments approach, she receives a lot of calls from her students, ‘I can’t make the exam, I’ve got anxiety!’ they say. ‘Of course you are anxious’, she replies, ‘That is your mind gearing up to perform your best’. Then she encourages them, ‘Come to the assessment and put your anxiety into your art, use it to give the performance of your life!’ Very few students fail to turn up for their test and those who do are buzzing with joy afterwards. They have won a victory and now they are stronger, they are more resilient!

 

 

The skill of being still

Listen to this on audio here

We sing about it: ‘Be still for the presence of the Lord…’ We read about it: ‘Be still and know that I am God…’ But we are never still! The bible often speaks of ‘stillness’, and the things related to it, such as meditating and waiting on God. But Christians, especially evangelical Christians, cannot abide stillness, we like noise and activity, with a side-order of mild chaos. We don’t do stillness.

Here’s why the skill of being still is important. First, stillness is a helpful start to a time of prayer, it puts us in the right frame of mind. Second, the practice of stillness and Christian meditation develops a ‘still’ heart, so that we cope better when things get frantic. Third, at times of crisis we can retreat into that still place and re-connect with God. We all need to learn to be still, it is a vital component of a healthy spiritual life.

Achieving stillness

I use Psalm 131 to help me with this. When I start to pray, or study, or meditate, my head feels like a busy train station at rush hour, full of noise and clatter. Here is King David’s solution:

My heart is not proud, O LORD,

My eyes are not haughty.

I do not concern myself with great matters.

But I have stilled and quieted my soul, like a weaned child with it’s mother. Like a weaned child is my soul within me.

O Israel, hope in the Lord, both now and evermore.

David begins Psalm 131 by dealing with some of the distracting noises in his head. He names three.

Pride – that feeling that we are better than others, that God should be chuffed that we want to talk with him. ‘My heart is not proud’ he says, laying pride aside.

Second is haughtiness – that tendency to look down on others. ‘My eyes are not haughty’, he says and lays that judgemental spirit aside.

Remember that David was a head of state, and the work never stopped. It was his job to think about ‘great matters’. But in this special place he lays this third distraction aside, All that work-related head-clutter must wait, it has no place here.

This is how to achieve stillness; you cannot eliminate random thoughts and feelings. Just recognise them and let them go. It takes a little while to learn how to do this but after a while it becomes easier.

Mindfulness and meditation

So far, this is rather like mindfulness, a method of being quiet, letting go of distracting thoughts, and being in the moment. I have found mindfulness to be a helpful way to learn the skill of being still. But Christian meditation is more than that. When my mindfulness teacher asked me how it was going, I used to say, ‘Wonderful, when I take time to be still, I get a lovely sense of the presence of God’. He would say, ‘That is not supposed to happen!’

This illustrates the big difference, mindfulness teaches you to ‘be still’, biblical stillness says, ‘Be still… and know that I am God’. That’s a world of difference, isn’t it? This is why I always focus on a verse or two of scripture when I meditate. I often use this little Psalm.

The picture we are left with is of a small child with a full belly dozing happy and safe in its mother’s arms. Stillness, for the Christian, is clearing the decks to be with the Lord. This is where you belong, this is where you are safe, here you are accepted.

Roy Searle, a Baptist pastor in northern England describes a moment when his young son came into his study while he was working. ‘What do you want?’ Roy asked, ‘Nothing’, the little boy said, ‘I just wanted to be with you’.

That, my friends, is stillness.